A spicy love story

It's crazy how life can surprise us - positively or not. I always have been a dreamer, wondering how would be my future, if I would be working as pastry chef or maybe on the internet and how would be my perfect boyfriend (future husband). Even that we try to follow our own expectations, life figures out a way to change the game - and it really does.

Relationships intend to be complex and sweet for those who really understand the partner's complexity. It's complex because it's like a puzzle, which every piece has to be fitted carefully, otherwise frustration can shake some heads (and hearts). People are different individuals so it's necessary to manage the peculiarities and avoid the chaos. It's not an easy thing to do it constantly of course, but too much of something it's bad enough. It's also sweet because love, commitment, respect, gazeness and touch are incredible - and it has to be. The funny part is when all of that happens by distance, without any previous kind of encounter.

The last time I fell in love was a total illusion. I was dazzled by a sweet and curious gaze, a welcoming laugh, a marvelous touch and the necessary respect. The problem was: I gave everything but didn't have it back, or maybe I was expecting too much when I shouldn't. All the charming fade way when he just changed me for someone else and blocked me from everywhere (in a Christmas night). This is how I learnt to distrust every  kind of sign. After that I began to focus on myself and not on the other. Now I'm sure that this is the base: self respect/love. Yes I am goofy, love to speak silly things but I also am mature enough to try to walk myself in someone shoes and understand their philosophy, but I'm not strong enough to feel well after a misunderstood; I can't just pretend that it happened without undo the mistake. It's like a physical pain.

Because of a few disappointments I built some walls to protect me; my guard is always aware and distrusting any move. But life has surprised me. Months ago I was trying to make an international network as I couldn't do it properly in my exchange. This beautiful, gentle and warm guy appeared to me and we started to chat once, twice, then again, again and again. We have similar thoughts, similar tastes, similar dreams. Day by day we were/are getting increasingly envolved. The flerts turned into a genuine and delicated feeling. I miss him everyday even when we chat every night; I am constantly thinking about him even when we are talking, so I just stay speechless because my feelings are stronger than my words. 

Am I in denial? Am I being stubborn to don't speak it loud? The answer is "yes", there is no other option. To be honest I am afraid to assume my feelings and that something suddenly changes, like if I were being too fast or maybe too weak. Gifts were exchanged and I am realizing that this is not weakness, it can't be nothing but powerful, honest and beautiful. Do I know him in person? No yet. But I have been planing my trip to make it happen - a really expensive travel. It's a bet, it's crazyness. So why to avoid this if it's just honest? More than that, it's curious, it's magical. This is the first time I am speaking to myself: I AM IN LOVE. Some energy just shivered under my skin and seems that the weakness disappeared.

Can you feel it? There's a special smell of spices in the air from his spicy personality - so spicy that it can burn sometimes. Also there's a good and kind honey smell over the space from his sweet heart. Can you see me floating? Because I am, into his gaze which looks like a particular galaxy with his own gravity. "Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again". My cinnamon skin and my bitter-sweet chocolate heart complete the recipe. The Gingerbread man is ready, just made for me. I wanna bite him day and night, deeply and inside.

Gingerbread has a name, a voice, a face, a body. He knows how to be intense and ignite the fire; to be soft and fluid like water. I wonder if all these emotions and expectations are just a tricking cloud passing by the physical distance between us. In constrast, deep inside, I believe that this is the beggining... the beggining of a spicy love story.

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  1. The Gingerbread man is real, has a name, has a face and a voice... I never thought I would meet someone who is so gentle, generous and kind in his nature. My heart has been broken many times into a 1000 pieces so that I lost the count long time ago. Not even sweet sugar glazing helped to mend the breakages. After so many hardships and unresponded feelings I just start to think that it is possible to feel, be loved again. That it's ok to give myself permission to feel again.

    On the other hand the chocolate man with cinnamon skin and sweet milk chocolate heart could not be more real. Many times I must pinch myself throughout the day to get back to my consciousness that there is someone to whom same values as mine are priorities in life. He is real yet many miles away. However the strength of my belief and need for him to be close allows me to bring my galaxy closer to his. The entire universe is aware how much I want his galaxy to be close to mine. That way we can create a new system. Therefore yes I do think indeed that it is a beginning of genesis of new, true, spicy yet genuine gentle love story.

    I always wondered if there is someone out there for me. Someone who listens to needs of my soul, someone who will see my heart. I guess that somewhere in the world of thoughts surrounding us you heard me. My own cocoa chocolate man that seems to see me for who I am. Your gentle, kind and sensitive heart warmed up my long forgotten one. I can not wait to see where do this trans Atlantic/galactical journey leads us. Time will tell. Surely you are in my head all the time daily as well. Your gingerbread man.


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